” This is where we are”   Leave a comment

When I began this road, I asked God if He would enable me to continue preaching. Two Sundays ago I shared with the New Life family one of the biggest scares I’ve had since beginning this treatment. Friday afternoon, sermon was three quarters of the way finished and all seemed well for finishing on Saturday morning, as is my normal practice. But when I sat down at my desk on Saturday I discovered I was unable to think or put together an argument with which I could convince myself let alone anybody else. The more I prayed, the more I tried different techniques, the worse it got. Until in desperation I called one of our leaders and asked if there was an alternative for the next day. He graciously and promptly assured me that there was. I went home with a sense of relief but great disappointment and crawled into bed from which I was reluctant, at best, to resurface the rest of that day. About 3 o’clock in the morning I awoke with a strong sense that I could complete my sermon; this exciting information I shared with my sleepy wife who was kind enough to get up and make me a cup of tea. In those early hours I completed the work and was able to preach on Sunday. Once again God has demonstrated that He is in control, the timing is His and He is always faithful. This is just one example of the struggle I have had experiencing anxiety and depression as a result of this medication. As a pastor I have had many people share their own experiences of these things with me and ask that I pray for them. I have done so, but what they experienced had always been a mystery to me. To be honest I wished they had stayed a mystery. However, by God’s grace they have now become an area where I can have empathy not just sympathy.

At the beginning of this journey, someone was kind enough to send me a copy of Steven Curtis Chapman’s album Beauty Will Rise. These songs, written out of a monumental family tragedy, have often spoken encouragement to me. The song God is in Control is a wonderful example of this. I trust you’ll enjoy it.

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Posted February 10, 2010 by jolm15 in Uncategorized

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